Senior Year in a Pandemic

My teenager just started her senior year sitting in front of her computer. It is the safest option my head tells me. My heart, on the other hand, wishes things were different.

ID for the start of virtual high school

COVID-19.Roughly six months ago, a novel coronavirus brought life as we knew it in the US to a stop. Everyone has lost someone or something from their previous life. People have died. People have become sick with long and lingering serious after effects’ from infection, including brain damage, lung, and brain damage. The truth is that we do not yet know all of the consequences of being infected with this novel coronavirus.

Is you haven’t known anyone who has died or become sick, you have likely lost other things or experiences.

People have lost jobs that may or may not return. People have seen their small businesses, their labor of love, sweat and tears, go under.

Some people pushed back wedding ceremonies because they planned to- and wanted to have- large celebrations with friends and loved ones.

Some funerals have not taken place- or they have been replace by Zoom memorial services.

Families have not been able to visit their loved ones in the hospital or nursing home.

While some people are unsympathetic to this, families have been unable to visit their loved ones who are incarcerated.

Some of us, myself included, cancelled travel plans. This is the first year I can remember that I have not flown to New York to visit my parents and my husband’s family. This loss pains me greatly- after all, none of us are getting any younger.

My older daughter who worked so incredibly hard to graduate Magna Cum Laude with Departmental honors had no college graduation ceremony. She, and I, were devastated at that loss. She counted down the days until graduation only to find out this spring that the ceremony would not happen.

Last year’s graduating high school seniors did not get the celebration they wanted or expected. Some schools came up with alternative, creative solutions so the kids could at least get their diplomas, but not every district was able to make accommodations for the seniors and their families.

For those college-bound seniors, things are looking a lot different than they ever had in the past. Some colleges are starting on-line, some are trying to bring some students on campus, and others are attempting to have all kids back in person.

Last year, when P was a junior, we heard numerous times, “Thank God she isn’t a senior this year!” And I nodded politely, sometimes adding, “Yes, but the juniors are missing out on so much, too.” When the kids were understandably sent home in March, even though we knew the reality, we held out a little hope that things would get better so there could be prom, spring sports and just a chance to interact in person with friends.

Obviously that did not happen. We understand this. We wanted to be part of the solution. We stayed home. We isolated. Face-to-face friendships became FaceTime of House Party friendships.

The cross-country college visit trip P and I planned could no longer take place. Colleges and Universities had shut down and travel didn’t feel safe, anyway.

As I have noted before, college entrance exams because a frustrating game of roulette. P did not win that game, but hopefully she will soon.

We hoped that over the summer, people would stay home, wear masks if they did have to be in public and basically take precautions so that maybe our kids could go back to school this fall. But cases in our state continued to rise during June and July. People didn’t want to wear masks. People didn’t want to socially distance. Because there are still unknowns with this coronavirus, I am not blaming people who unknowingly spread or got the virus.

It does, however, hurt when you know other kids are getting together for parties or gatherings without masks or social distancing, but your kid and your family have mostly stayed home. It hurts because we know there is no safe way to have our kids in school until cases dramatically drop.

My Beautiful High School Senior

So for our newly-minted high school senior, and many others out there, there is no fall sports season. There are no college visits. There are no face-to-face interactions with peers and friends. Instead, there are long days sitting in front of the computer with who knows how many hours after school in front of the computer for homework.

We don’t yet know what will happen in the next weeks or months. It is entirely possible there is no face-to-face school at all this fall. And even if there is in-person school, it is likely it won’t be safe for kids or teachers. Maybe the kids go back and then have to go return home because the virus spreads throughout the school.

There are so many unknowns. If the kids go back, there likely will not be after school activities or sports. If sports happen, there will probably be few or no spectators allowed. Rituals of high school, such a prom, likely won’t happen.

As I looked at the senior information on our high school website, I noted it said senior year is so exciting because you take part in all of the rituals, like the senior panoramic photo, the senior walk, etc. The information was from last year before the bottom fell out. You remember being a teen and looking forward to being a senior for years? Our kids are the same. They wanted their turn and so did their parents.

Meanwhile elementary-aged students in our district are returning to in-person school today. I know it is complicated. Parents need to go to work and elementary students are not able to stay home alone yet. Some parents could make it possible for kids to do online school at home, but they say their kids won’t engage.

Some people claim kids do not spread the virus. This is absurd. They may or may not get as sick as adults, but they can carry and spread to others.

Others claim their kids need the social and emotional interaction they get from school. I don’t doubt that, but teenagers need the social interaction at least as much as young kids…maybe more. Adolescence is exactly the time where kids learn to become independent from their parents and closer to their peers. This is as critical a time for teens as it is for younger kids.

It isn’t that I think my kids HAS to be in school right now. That would be optimal but I also want to shut down the spread of COVID-19. But, for parents of younger kids, please understand why it makes me incredibly sad to see your kid getting to go to school while mine won’t get to go for at least part of her senior year. Show some empathy. Even if we know virtual school is the safest option, remember that we feel cheated out of the rites of passage our kids were supposed to have.

And for the love of God, please do what you can to stop the spread of this illness. Take all of the precautions you can, because while your kid is in school today, that may not be the case in a week or two.

I have cried a number of times this summer thinking about all of the things my daughter is missing out on. I know we are not the only ones, but it is still sad. Not only is P missing out on important rituals, as a mom, I am too. I have waited all of these years to see my daughter go to prom and graduate in front of her peers. I have been looking forward to the epic college visiting trip I had planned. I wanted to take photos of her in a fancy dress and heels, I wanted to see her joy walking across the graduating stage. Like every parents of a senior, we have no idea if this will happen. And that pains me greatly.

Honestly, though, P seems to be handling it better than I am and so I am trying to follow her lead. I know she wants all of these experiences, but she is an intelligent kid and she knows it is safer to start school ‘virtually’ this year.

So she and I keep thinking, if we do the right things, maybe she can go to college in the fall of 2021. Hopefully I am not deluding myself.