I woke up scared today. I am starting chemo this afternoon. I wonder what side effects I will experience, how it will impact my life, my husband, and most importantly my kids. I could sit here and dwell on things, and be afraid. Instead, I got up, cleaned the house, cooked breakfast for the family, and went for a run with my husband after school drop off. Ten miles done in crazy winds. As always, I am so grateful that I was able to get out for a run.
It isn’t that I don’t experience fear or negative thoughts. I respect my fears and give them time and space but I refuse to wallow in negativity or self pity. Thinking positive thoughts is not going to fix my problems. Allowing destructive thoughts to take over my head is not going to help me, either. We can allow our problems to turn us into bitter or angry people. Or we can choose to acknowledge our difficulties and try to take action to move beyond them. I consider myself to be neither optimist nor pessimist but rather a realist. It won’t be easy, but I hope six months from now I can close this chapter of my life and move on.